By Holly Ransom, Speaker, Facilitator and Leadership Development Expert
Every mentor whose brains I picked when I was young, allowed me to pocket a wealth of advice, much of which has earned a great deal of interest over time! And the price? Generally, a coffee.
Someone once told me that by asking the right questions, you can learn a lot about a person’s career path in the time it takes to enjoy a cup of coffee. And so it was then, at age 18, that I decided to take action and commit to asking someone I admired to have a coffee with me every
single week.
Apart from a mild caffeine addiction, my lust for learning from others has served me well. I believe in the old adage that says our own success is attributable to the people we choose to spend the most time around.
But it’s not just about surrounding yourself with any group of people – it’s about cultivating the right relationships.
I believe there are four types of relationships worth intentionally nurturing:
- Sages
- Supporters
- Sponsors
- Sparring partners
Each of these relationship types can provide unique perspectives to help us grow and advance in our careers.
The wisdom of the Sage
Meet the Sages – wise and truthful individuals who come from a place of love and want to see you thrive. My Grandma Dorothy and Professor Muhammad Yunus are two Sages who have greatly influenced me with their boundless wisdom. They embody qualities such as empathy,
insight, and courage, and have inspired me to pursue positive change in the world. For example, I had the privilege of speaking with Professor Yunus about the potential of microfinance and social entrepreneurship to create a better world. If you’re interested, I invite you to listen to our conversation and explore this topic further.
The enthusiasm of the Supporter
Let’s face it, we all have those moments when we need a boost of confidence. That’s where Supporters come in handy – they’re like the emotional equivalent of a shot of espresso (are you noticing the caffeine theme here?). They can always help me find the silver lining and make me
believe in myself.
The endorsement of the Sponsor
Sponsors are equally important in helping you advance in your career. It’s extraordinary the number of key conversations that happen about you (with regard to new opportunities or promotions) when you’re not even in the room! It’s in these moments that your sponsors will advocate for you.
The sport of the Sparring Partner
Who’s your intellectual Sparring Partner, the one who helps you see the holes in your ideas? These people are like the devil’s advocate, but caffeinated. They’ll help you raise the bar higher, understand risks, and prepare to take on the haters. They help you become fit for purpose – your purpose.
The Quadruple Threat!
Do you have all four? If not, the best way to cultivate each of these four relationships is to flip the table and think about how you can be a sage, supporter, sponsor, or sparring partner for someone else. Think about all of these relationships as a two-way street.
The most crucial aspect of cultivating a relationship with any of these four S’s is the ability to be vulnerable and honest about your aspirations, your values, who you are, and where you’re at.
When I feel myself pulling away from a relationship, I question – is it because I need the challenge of a different perspective? Or is the perspective no longer serving me?
Fuelling your connections
Instead of seeking out mentors or sponsors, I invite you to try learning through ‘coffee convos’? This simple yet effective practice has been a game-changer for me, and it can be for you too.
But hold up! Coffee cups can be half full… or they can be half empty. Before you start randomly reaching out to people, it’s essential to know what kind of learning you’re seeking and why. I like to start with some self-reflection to identify what gaps exist relative to my goals – whether they’re content, capability or confidence gaps – then I think about the people who might be able to help me solve for any of those gaps.
As self-leaders, we need to work on our relationships and be intentional about the people we surround ourselves with. By seeking out sages, supporters, sponsors, and sparring partners and building a collection of coffee conversations, we’ll grow a diverse network of individuals who can help us grow and succeed in our careers.
So, let’s fuel those connections and make 2023 a year of building strong relationships! Which relationships will you focus on building this year?